So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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