then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
