ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
