he puts the penis in happiness.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
