I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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