brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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