End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
