I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
