You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
