I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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