Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
