Your tits are I can't wait for
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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