my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
