i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
