The best revenge is premature balding
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
