Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
