I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
