we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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