I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
