Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
