Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
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Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
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He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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