Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
