So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
