I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
