cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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