I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
