so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
