He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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