Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
