You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just googled if crying burns calories
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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