We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
