Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
