Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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