the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
