Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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