im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
