Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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