If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
