He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
