We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
