Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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