hotel room ftw
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
