wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
