I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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