Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
