cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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