Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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