I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize