so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
