i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
