So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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