We're like a lot better than the average bears
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
