I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
