i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
