her vagine was all disorganized.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
