hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
