yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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