never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
