I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
