I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
