Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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