If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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