did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
