So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
