Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
