you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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