So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
