Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
