Me. At least after what I've been through.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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