just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
