Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
