Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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