ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
