I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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