I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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