but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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