I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
