just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
