so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
