I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
