i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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