Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
