I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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