I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
