Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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